


Breathe

by telanaris



Series: Arcana One-Shots [13]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: (and then reanimation), F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, and a sweetheart, but also fluffy, i swear despite those other tags it's kind of fluffy, mostly julian being considerate, tw: panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 02:34:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15110012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telanaris/pseuds/telanaris
Summary: “Love…” Julian says, voice quiet and tender, comforting as he reaches for your hand, “my darling.” He interlaces your fingers and guides your hand, palm facing down, beneath the white gauze of his shirt to his chest, just over his heart.You cannot choke back the gasp it wrests from your throats. Whether from the exhilaration of his reanimation, or the ferocity of your kisses, Julian’s heart is pounding, madly, in his chest. The strong rhythm of it is unmistakeable. And every beat of it confirms irrefutably: he is alive, alive, alive.- - - - -A little companion piece to Countdown because I am still SHOOK. Inspired by the premium scene in Book XII. After Julian reanimates, a gender neutral MC must contend with how close they’d come to losing him. Julian helps calm them down from a small anxiety attack.





	Breathe

Your mouth is desperate, hungry,  _frantic_  against his. The kiss is so clumsy Julian can hardly match it. 

He’s been awake all of a few minutes. Only long enough, really, for Asra and Nadia to come running to your side and realize he’s come back from the dead, as promised, though it’s taken him a little longer than expected. You’ve waited  _three whole days_. It has been torture, not knowing for sure if Julian’s mark will save him.

Now that it has worked—that it has delivered him safely back to you—you will never call it a ‘curse’ again.

But no sooner had Asra and Nadia arrived before you’d banished them from the room, asking for a moment alone with Julian. A reasonable request, you think. You have all waited three days—Asra and Nadia can wait a little longer, while you recover from the shock of almost losing Julian.

You want to celebrate. To be happy. Just to be with him, really… to hold him. But you had been so strong while you waited—three days. And suddenly, now that he’s awake, you can finally acknowledge the sheer terror that had begun to seize you as you had waited for him, a cold hand if dread on your shoulder, gripping the back of your neck— _What If If doesn’t work? What if I lose him?_

“Darling, dearest, please,” Julian says with a bright laugh, pulling you as gently as he can away from him. “This is quite the welcome back—I’m not complaining—just, give me a chance to, ahh, catch my breath, so to speak—”

But you will not—cannot?—release him. You’re already straddling his lap, climbing on top of him in the spot where he’s lain, motionless, while you waited,  _prayed_  for him to come back.  _To me. He promised._

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, hardly more than a wheeze. It’s silly, maybe. Julian is okay. But somehow seeing him alive and well makes it so much clearer how close you were to losing him. Your body feels so tight with the realization—you can barely breathe for the panic it inspires in you. When you speak your voice is breathless, broken, words running into each other. “I was just—I was so, so worried, so afraid you wouldn’t be able to come back— _frightened_ , I—please, please, I just need you to hold me—”

“Love…” Julian says, voice quiet and tender, comforting as he reaches for your hand, “my darling.” He interlaces your fingers and guides your hand, palm facing down, beneath the white gauze of his shirt to his chest, just over his heart.

You cannot choke back the gasp it wrests from your throats. Whether from the exhilaration of his reanimation, or the ferocity of your kisses, Julian’s heart is pounding, madly, in his chest. The strong rhythm of it is unmistakeable. And every beat of it confirms irrefutably:  _he is alive, alive, alive._

“Breathe with me?” he asks, with a grin somewhere between cheeky and fond. He pulls a deep, sweet inhale of air, and you can feel his chest expand with it, ribs spreading under your fingers. He releases it just as slowly, and his heartbeat begins to slow in kind. To calm. But you don't—you are still transfixed, stunned, at the miracle before you. Three days he has been lifeless, and the beat of his heart, the swell of his chest… these things, these gestures, mundane before, have taken on a new beauty. Look at the way his body moves with each breath, the pulse and flush if life within him. How could you have ever taken such beauty for granted?

“With me, love,” Julian repeats, tilting his head and watching you adoringly. “Come on. In,” he says, and again his chest swells with his breath. Obediently, you breathe, too, though your inhale is a stuttering sound, your body still tight with the panic you’ve carried since the executioner pulled the lever, and you watched Julian’s body vanish from view, swallowed beneath the gallows platform.

“ _Good_ ,” Julian praises, giving your hand a gentle squeeze, “…and out…”

He guides your breathing until it slows and matches his; he holds your hand until the anxiety loses its grip on you. Gradually, the tension leaves your shoulders, and your heart pounds a little less violently in your chest. And when the panic leaves, it leaves you feeling tired, lightheaded. You can’t remember the last time you have had an attack like that… then again, very little in your life has frightened you the way Julian’s 'plan’ had. But most of all, you are relieved—grateful. Julian is alive, breathing…. smiling, looking at you with such patience, guiding you out of your panic the way you had done for him before your shared foray into the Hanged Man’s realm.

“I am truly sorry that I frightened you,” Julian says, quietly, reaching up with his free hand to cup your face. “But I’m here. I’m alright. And,” he adds, thumb caressing your cheek, “I promise, I won’t leave you again. I’m not going anywhere.”

One last shuddering breath escapes you, but then you still, relaxed. Julian owes you no such promises, but he makes them anyway, telling you exactly what you needed to hear. You pull your tangled fingers away from Julian’s chest, far enough for you to bow your head and press your lips to the skin there. Your kiss lingers… faintly, beneath your mouth, you can feel the beat of his heart.

It is a tender gesture—not the slightest bit lewd—but when you pull your head up to look at him, Julian’s blushing, anyway. Sometimes it is the softest of gestures that make him the most flustered. But you want to sing the praises of the flushed pink of his cheeks. They are such a contrast, suit him so much better than the pale and grey look he’d taken in while you’d waited for him to find his way back to you.  _Alive—flushed with life._

You reach out, then, to touch him—to feel the warmth of his blush beneath your fingertips.

“I love you,” you manage, quietly, barely more than a whisper.

Julian releases a contented sigh, hums. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that,” he replies, letting his hands fall to the small of your waist and holding it gently. “How lucky I am,” he adds, “to love someone who loves me so well in return.”

He holds you a little while longer, but gradually you remember that Nadia and Asra are waiting. They have been kind enough to give the two of you some privacy, but no doubt Julian has a lot to tell them of what he has learned from the Hanged Man. Eventually, you cannot in good conscience keep them waiting anymore. You rise with Julian from the bed and make your way to the parlor, where Asra and Nadia wait.

But later, Julian will tell you. When the day is done, when he is no longer worried it will upset you further, when you are lying together, sharing a bed for the first time since Mazelinka’s, he will hold you close and whisper to you:

_“I got lost, you know. On my way… back. Maybe that’s why I was gone so long on this side.”_

_“But then I thought of you. The life I wanted with you, the promises I’d made. How I missed you! And I saw… this great bright light, drawing me forward. Leading the way. And I knew it was you, waiting for me, on the other side. Your love, reaching out for me. So I wasn’t surprised at all, really, to wake up and find myself in your arms… because it was you, my dear, who guided me back.”_


End file.
